A Grand Day Out
It was Dawn and The Mad Hatter was
waiting by the side of the road for Grommit to turn up with the
Charabanc. Well it wasn't really Dawn but anything before noon was
early for him. "Why am I here, alone in the boiling sun with all
these bloody cheerful joggers going past and all those noisy birds
and ice cream vans?" he wondered.
It had all started downstairs in the
Ideas Room of Hebden Blues HQ. Mickey was fine-tuning some Brilliant
Ideas when he suddenly shouted "I've had this Brilliant Idea".
"Yippee!" said Tigger, leaping around knocking over
amplifiers and important stuff. " Calm down and listen to this.
It's a stonker" said Mickey. "I think we should get all our
friends together, hire a Charabanc and have a Grand Day Out at the
Castle of The Blues!" "I love Castles" beamed Tigger
"and I could take my new guitar and my mates The Three Blind
Mice! Brilliant!" and together they danced around playing air
drums and tambourines...
And thus it was. The Castle Special
finally turned up to pick up the Mad Hatter. Grommit was driving and
as usual didn't say much – largely because he doesn't seem to have
a mouth – and as The Mad Hatter boarded he realised that The Whole
Gang were already on board and rocking. Wallace was the first to
speak. "Are you sure there will be Blue cheese?" he
wimpered. "Of course" asserted a confident Minnie, who is
very smart and knows far more about everything than Mickey ever will
and had packed eleven bags full of chairs and tables and useful
stuff. "Are we there yet?" - one of the Dormice had woken
up and was looking fretful. "Soon, brother, soon. Just a few
more Bars" yelled Tigger who was already bouncing up and down
the charabanc looking for encores. "Are Shrek and Donkey
coming?" asked Kermit. "They will already be at the Blues
Castle" said Mickey. "Good Job, too" moaned Eeyore
"otherwise we'd need a Bigger Bus". "Boom, Boom, Tish!"
chorused the Three Blind Mice with Basil Brush on the cymbals.
"I need a Comfort Stop" came
a whine from the back – it was probably Jessica Rabbit, who worries
about such things. " Just can it, baby. Cross your legs"
boomed The Queen of Hearts, flicking her red hair and throwing a few
shapes in E major. "Why do you need a pee if you're made of
film? Only asking.." wondered The March Hare. "Shut it, Big
Ears, I can do anything on film – play the harmonica, even cook
jugged Hare" "Hey, who are you calling Big Ears" said
Big Ears. "Yeah, who are you calling Big Ears?" echoed
Minnie, who loved nothing better than a fight. "Calm down, calm
down, we are all friends here" intervened Pinocchio, not known
for his statesmanlike veracity.
Meanwhile the charabanc was starting
to bounce around a bit. Postman Pat, who has done a bit of driving in
his time got up to check that Grommit was ok. It turned out that he
was going so quick because he wanted to get to the Blues Castle as
soon as possible and get far away from all these barking passengers. "How
do we know when we get there,?" asked one of the Dormice who had
woken up again. "When I lived in Nutwood Forest, we used to
climb a tree and look for the Cathedral spire" said Rupert Bear.
"Smug bastard. What if they don't have a cathedral?"
snapped The Queen. "I love Cathedrals, great sound systems for Blue Toons!"
yelled Tigger and the Three Blind Mice and Basil all went Oohwah,
Oohwah.... "Oh God, this is the Bus from Hell" chorused
Statler and Waldorf, "doncha just love it! All we need now is
Bilbo and that bloody Wizard and we've got an ITV2 programme
series..."
The scenery flashed by almost as if it
was on CGI. The Blues Castle loomed into view. "Are we there yet?" came a pathetic cry.
Grommit edged the bus into the Blues Castle
Keep and went off to get a quiet break from The Madness. After that, of course The
Plot Thickened, the bus travellers met up with their many, varied and
colourful mates who had got there earlier to bag the best seats and then Everyone Lost The
Plot. To this day, Nobody knows where it went. It definitely disappeared. Gone. However, like all the
best stories, this one had a really really Happy Ending. Mickey and Tigger
got an award, there was loads of kissing and hugging and everybody cheered like crazy. The Charabanc got back
home safe and sound but never caught the Road Runner....
That's All Folks!
P.S Hopefully, The Hat will be back in an instant...